If you are suddenly getting the feeling that you hate yourself or you have been suffering from this feeling for a long time, it’s time you do something about it. Self-hate is a common feeling, and it can lead to a lot of pain and failure, but you can overcome it with a little effort.
Some feeling develops over time and could be triggered by different factors like trauma, false expectations, and social comparisons. The most common reason for self-hatred is past trauma. People who suffer from traumatic and emotional experiences usually also suffer from extreme self-hate. Such experiences could be physical or mental abuse.
When a child suffers from such experiences, he views the world as unsafe and thinks of the people around him as dangerous. When things keep going this way, he builds a narrative that he doesn’t deserve love or he is not important to anyone. It’s possible that such things were said to him by his parents or siblings, and they become his life-narrative. If your self-hatred is also the result of childhood trauma, you should consult a professional.
False or unrealistic expectations can also lead to self-loathing. Everyone wants to succeed, be loved and accepted, but sometimes our self-expectations are not realistic, and they can lead to failure and force us to feel that we have failed.
Our attempts to please other people can also lead to self-loathing. Some people feel that to be connected with others, they have to do what pleases them. They are under the misconception that if other people are happy with them, they will also be happy with themselves. Such feelings about a relationship are not healthy and can lead to severe damages in your behavior.
Doesn’t matter what’s the source of self-hate, you can stop it by following some steps. The first thing you should do is deal with the inner critic. When you struggle with self-loathing, your inner critic would never let you feel good and you may start believing that hateful narrative. You need to calm yourself, distinguish facts from feelings, and talk to an expert.
If you can’t find any, ask others, sometimes it’s easier to identify other’s strengths than our own. When you hate yourself, you take compliments in a negative way as well; you might feel uncomfortable and dismiss it. It will take time, but you can learn to appreciate compliments, you can begin by saying thank you every time someone compliments you.